Friday, 3 April 2015

On creepy stuff

So we don't need tall chicks to model for us anymore. We can now build them ourselves! Real pros use something called Photoshop but for the peanut gallery good old Paint will do the trick. Voilá!



Wednesday, 25 February 2015

Thoughts on vermin.

Bureaucrats make living in this world a painstaking misery. I wish I could retire to a cabin near Kajaani and only resurface for Hesburger every now and then, but apart from those visits avoid 'the others' at all costs.

'Kafka-esque' is the word I am looking for.

This I plastered on Facebook in a wee moment of weakness.
The following comments on this post made by me, were not plastered on Facebook but i feel a need to plaster them.... somewhere. So here we go.

@Hesburger ! Hi, if you're listening: I love your fries! They're the best in the whole wide world. They bring me back to the land of the living, and I don't care what anybody else says when I say: You're the best. Will you hire me? Can I be your publicist and spread the word about your fries and everything else? Now that's a load I am willing to carry. I am working for pictures now, and they don't taste as good as fries.

I just spent the very rest of my savings calling to a country that should have been extinct and below the sea, but unfortunately is still there, with their 16something billion whining people. No progress was made, what so bleeping ever, and I don't care if I am writing in a passive. Is now the time to ask the Germans a favor?

Stop flooding my inbox with notifications that you 'received my request, and will respond within three working days'. Just get the fucking job done before Friday please and thank you, otherwise I'll feel an urge of necessity to get over there and hunt your ass down with a blowtorch.


The reason for these tirades are, that I spent all my day and cash trying to get something done. The result was, that it did not get done. It is, in fact, now an even bigger mash of paper and more paper, and people avoiding clear communication at all cost. When they need to form a bridge to a neighboring department, they dig a trench instead and sort of crawl until they hit their head, and then it's time for coffee. 



Monday, 23 February 2015

Ohne Dress.

Oscar night is up on us. I'm a couple of timezones away, so that's why I'm writing this laying on the couch at 1 am -wide awake. For some reason my mind isn't any of them sleeping vibes.

But, movies! I've certainly seen a whole bunch of them.  I'm not a 62 year old white male, and I believe that is what it takes these days to be considered a connoisseur. But that's another rant, for another day. I'm here as a self proclaimed gownomaniac having a say in the #askhermore debate.

Don't get me wrong -I love dresses! I love wearing them and seeing them being worn right. I love them seeing hitting the runways (even with me in it); that's where they're at their best. Now, your regular Jane may not be too familiar with every designer out there. An award show watched by millions is a nice investment for a designer to get his/her name out in the wide yonder. Jane may not be able to afford a couture gown by designer X or Y, but a perfume or a pair of sunglasses for sure.

That's a nice pocket of extra cash. And if a reporter skips over questions as 'who are you wearing?', then the whole dress-up marketing strategy didn't work, and that's when people get angry. Whereas, of course, as a leading lady at the Oscars, with you name slathered on posters (old school Hollywood style, or at least that's how it should be), there may be better questions for you out there. And it can be very frustrating to pot up all relevancy about character build up and career challenges, because the reporter-monkey will only ask you to twirl....

It is indeed ridiculous. A woman all wrapped in spanx should not be allowed to answer questions regarding her trade. This could be a sign of to much oxygen coming through to her head, and that's when crazy talk starts to come out ( Woman! Know. Your. Limits!).

Isn't that what the Academy Awards are all about, though? A celebration of talent and achievements in the film industry? Regardless of who it's by, the dress should come secondary, as we're there to celebrate an actress's success. The gown is not the point of their evening; their careers are!

Why not create a specially dedicated feature in Vogue, Harper's, style.com etc. (These are already major celebrity platforms) solely focusing on the leading ladies in their gowns. Have it come out on the Monday so each gown is still fresh. Celebrate them so we can admire the gowns, tear them out and pin them on our walls, drooling. I believe, that there are right times and places for fashion worshippers and celebrities to get together and play the ancient game of chique.

P.s.: obviously, obviously, I could not leave you hanging without Kevin Spacey and his Spanx. So, tadaaaa! Happy 2015 old white men's award show night! 😘😘😘

Thursday, 11 December 2014

Friday freakout - what topped the scale this week

It's Friday! Time for a healthy dose of reflection upon the events of the week.

Last week HSK exam: went horrible. Don't want to talk about it. if you still make me, I'll talk nothing but Mandarin Chinese with ye for the rest of your days remaining. In a taxi driver's accent. Ye'd be warned.

a preview:

Last Saturday: international Finland day. Lots of dresses. Because i have the short term memories comparable to a goldfish, I forgot how to type 'dress parade' in Finnish into Google, so that gallery is still in draft.

The Victoria's Secret Fashion Show Aired! But I still haven't seen it becausr the links don't work. I'm patient though. I read a very interesting article on Jezebel, concerning the Angles and their candy consumption. I can only pray that is true, now I have another reason to squeeze myself into the castings for next year. Speaking of candy: 2005! in all their glory

I asked for directions on the modelling forum, and my-oh-my did I hear about it! Dull, one dimensional, non-artistic, boring, un-inspiring slab of junk you are Doris! One fellow made me cry, but it's possible my ladyparts were responsible for that too a little bit cos it's the chocolate time of the month.

So now I'm leaning how to code. #nerdsrule

Wednesday, 10 December 2014

潘家园


This may as well be one of my favorite places in 北京. It's an antique market (Panjiayuan market), that carries anything from jewelry and all types of crockery to calligraphy equipment and old Beijing opera costumes, brightly colored furniture and all kinds of paperwork. Isn't it great to discover a market like this, and just spend hour after hour browsing through it all? 
























The first time I stumbled upon this gem of a place, was after my first time working for the television. The studio was all the way in the South of the city, it was a long day, it was very cold.... all great circumstances to annoy a person. Until I took the wrong exit out of the subway, and all of a sudden ran into this gentleman playing catch with his birds. I got curious about what else would be going on at this place, and after a short walk I found myself at the entrance of the 潘家园 antique heaven.

I've been back there many times, told everyone all about it, yet never saw it being trampled by Laowai. If you're in the area and looking for something original, go visit this place, and be amazed! 

All the nick nacks one can carry <3 

Sunday, 7 December 2014

itsenäisyyspäivää. That's a lot of dots for a lot of a's.

Yesterday, December 6th, a day in honour of a Saint (Nicolas), the wind spew snowflakes left and right; a good day for a part. Finnish Independence day, to be exact.

Now, I'm not entirely new to the phenomenon, as I celebrated Finland day before. Last year, to be exact, in Beijing. Where it undoubtedly was very cold too, perhaps no snow, a quadruple amount of pollution and a pile of beer that refused to quit. I remember flags, Finns, a speech, a heap of blue wigs, and a game of darts.

No parades, no happy, flag waving people dancing on the streets. Instead, there's a 3 hour item on television, about the president. First he waves to a parade in front of his house, where he stands on the balcony with his first lady, doing his best not to shiver, because it's cold out and they didn't wear a jacket. Later, they took to the inside where they received all kind of rich bozo's important people; veterans, athletes, Teemu, you name it. Now pay attention  as this is apparently the main event of the evening.

The first thing I noticed, was the overall mood, from the ladies, mostly. I'd think, that meeting the president and his wife, shaking their hands, have a few words of small talk, would put a certain amount of pizzazz to one's daily routine. Shake things up a bit. Excitement! Would that not bring some sort of expression on someone's face? Not quite. Many people  seemed untouched (and downright bored)by it all, and iffy to get the hell out of there.

My latest fashion show was in Tampere, featuring an array of Finnish design (photos later), so despite not knowing who was who, I could certainly tell my Jukka Rintala;s from my Saaga Designs (there was one, and it was gorgeous. WHY can't I find it online anywhere??) before the commentators did. And luckily, among a stream of obligatory polyester numbers, and a lot of people took it upon themselves to show up in traditional costume (which is truly fantastic, and they should have their picture on the front of all the tabloids). Apart from those, there were dresses made out of recycled coffee cups, dresses so fluffy and pink they made my teeth turn to liquid, the lady from the students union wore something graphic with really cool colors.

Honestly, I'd love to participate in a more productive way (which I later sort of did, with beerpong), but considering I don't know who all of those people are (Didn't know any of them except from Teemu). I'm guessing my favorites are a lot different from what newspaper editors were thinking (Here's a link to Iltasanomat, with an obligatory stream of safely dressed swedes not smiling). Either way, many things stood out. I'll put up a picture parade later, as all I could find was either the boring ones, or last year's standouts. And only the finest here!

Tuesday, 2 December 2014

Wings.

Happy Victoria's Secret day everyone!

Allow me to journey back to the day where I was living in Beijing, and had just booked my first gig. My very first official gig, after months of unsuccessful castings and agents who gave me the silent treatment. I was over the moon. It didn't matter that the show would be in Shenyang, and 'oh btw, it is a lingerie show'. I got booked for a thing, and I was excited!

Shenyang in the morning
One faithful evening we took to the railway station, where me, my buddy and 6 grumpy Russians boarded a night train that would took us to a place that was far, cold, and very windy. Me and buddy were excited, shared cheeseburgers and watched  the official VSFS from the two years before. We were all amazed by the spectacle, debating who looked the prettiest and how to walk 'The Walk', exactly.

We'd spend the whole next day (Christmas eve) in a hotel, rehearsing, getting our hair done, trying to take a nap. During our fitting it became clear that all of us would be walking in a Victoria's Secret rip-off event, as part of an event for Christmas. There were all kind of performances, kids doing acrobatics, kids in the audience, and we in panties and bras with wings, and other skimpy outfits.

Wings!  
But I was still very excited, as it was my very first time I'd ever set foot on a runway, or in this case, a stage (with steps), and the wings they gave me were huge and heavy.

I had no idea these kind of shows are a re-occuring thing in China, and they put me in all kinds of wings, on all kinds of wobbly stages, all the time. It's kind of fun. You learn how to be suspicious of confetti canons because they contain a matter that makes solid ground turn in to a surface on which to fall down and to never get up.

So, that first show kicked off a stream of wings and embarrassing moments. filled with sequins hastily glued on a pair of knickers that grandma would appreciate. Wings that were usually very pretty, but often also very heavy and impossible to wear gracefully. Always on a wobbly stage, always in front of an audience existing of somewhat important local people (old men).





Two happy models in an elevator
Shenyang by night
Skimpy outfit #3
The Stage